


Sick of having soulmate

by Lawler



Series: Legion [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/M, Pre-Relationship, Therapy, soulmate!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 07:01:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17442158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lawler/pseuds/Lawler
Summary: Steve doesn't know what to think about his soulmate.





	Sick of having soulmate

**Author's Note:**

> Spin-off of "I will fear no evil", so if you want to read more, check it. :D

"How are you feel today, Mr. Rogers? "

"Steve. "

"Steve. "

She smiled slightly, tilting her head. At first glance it looked like an innocent gesture. A question expressing careless care. But Steve knew better, he saw more in her face.

"Oddly," man finally replied, after a minute of calculating in his head what he wanted to say and what he would prefer to remain silent for his own good.

The truth is, Steve would have liked to hide everything. He would like to avoid this therapeutic cabinet like fire, but he also knew he shouldn’t. Not when his world collapsed, when he woke up in a completely new era. He didn’t have anyone to talk to. Only Dr. Connors remained. Although Steve was one hundred percent convinced about that she later relay all informations to S.H.I.E.L.D.

Woman leaned back in her chair, seating in it more comfortable.

"In what way?"

"Something... happened," soldier said reluctantly.

He thought about it for a long time. Move this topic or not? At first, he managed to push unwanted sensations to the very edge of consciousness. He was helped by the fact that he had learned about too many things too soon, at first. He had other things to put in order than to care about his own mental state. Than to care... about  _this_. But the weeks passed and the persistent feeling only intensified. There were nights when he couldn’t sleep; not because of the nightmares about the war, not because of the loneliness that caught him or the vision of the plane hitting the surface of the water. He woke up out of breath, drenched in sweat. Sometimes, it hurted him. Sometimes he was just... different. He never felt like that in his entire life. He was afraid that there would be another moment and he would lose control.

"I've never felt this before. I can feel it. Something is  _happening_  to me."

"What's that, Steve? How would you describe it?" Dr. Connors may pretended to be impassive, but soldier heard the difference in her voice. She  _knew_. Or she guessed what was wrong with him.

Steve fought with himself the next minute before he whispered:

"I'm not alone. My head... it's not mine. Not any more."

"Are you looking for confirmation from me, Steve? " asked the slightly amused therapist. "In my opinion, you exactly know what’s going on" she added as man remained silent.

"I'm looking for confirmation" he finally agreed.

The woman watched him for a moment.

"What connected you and Agent Carter, was not real. Let me finish” she asked calmly when Steve opened his mouth to complain. "It wasn’t real, because it had no rights to exist. To survive” she corrected herself. "It was meant to lead you to where you are at this moment.

"To this office? " Steve snapped, regretting that he said anything.

"To  _today_. She just didn’t belong to your time, Steve."

"She…?”

„Your soulmate.”

 _Soulmate_. Steve Rogers repeated these word, uttering it in his mind again and again. Yes. He guessed it might be her – his destiny, the other half of himself. He was simply afraid.

He was afraid that if he dared to name it by it’s name, he would only make meaningless hope. That all of this will turn out to be just an illusion, like a dream from under the eyelids in the mornig. Steve was... himself. He had the whole life feeling that he wasn’t worth of the second half. That life makes fun of him. He was small and frail. And he had to end up as a dead end? No chance for love. No chance for marriage and children.

Then Peggy appeared, and he immediately forgot his fears. He liked her. Very much. And she liked him. Steve felt there was a chance that something would come out. Until he realized that a man of her dreams was waiting for her somewhere.

Soulmate.

Curse.

Yes. That's also what Steve called this bond. He hated it because he didn’t feel anything. He was empty inside. At least until he woke up after all these years. But he still didn’t know if he should be happy or not.

"Don’t be scared, Steve" the therapist said suddenly, as if she was reading his mind. "It's new to you, that's all. And I no wonder why. What you have to face in such a short time and from such a surprise, others have from their birth. They live with it and get used to it. They couldn’t imagine life without feeling that they’re a half of the whole. If that doesn’t convince you," Connors added as man continued to frown,"think what  _she_  must feel. How does she feel, Steve?"

Rogers only stared at woman. But after another few minutes of silence, he closed his eyes and quietened his mind, trying to focus on the „other side”. It reminded him of all those moments when he tried to locate and recognize the pain. His stomach ached from hunger or food poisoning? Now it was very similiar with one difference. He went deeper. He ventured into those regions of his mind that were once empty and barren.

But he didn’t have to. Her feelings were always intense and vivid like fire. They drank him, made him dizzy, and sometimes they mixed so much with his own that he didn’t know if he was mad at the whole world or her.

"She's angry" Steve said slowly. "She's always so angry. So… angry. And. She's... broken."

"Broken?” The therapist became curious, and soldier wasn’t surprised. He was created as the perfect soldier who doesn’t know concepts like fear, anger or betrayal. But deep inside, he knew that he's a wreck of a man. Just like her. His  _soulmate._ Both broken. Poisonous.

"She’s wounded really deep. Just... broken. She burns me, hurts me, irritates me."

He opened his eyes and saw Dr. Connors staring intently at him.

"Not many people talk about the dark side of having a soulmate" she said. "It's not just a feeling of complement. A fairy tale’s happy ending. It's pain. Darkness. One side can pull the other to the bottom. Destroy two lives. Bring to a tragedy."

Steve was silent.


End file.
